Because You Live
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: Songfic-Keith knows he's going to die, and Natalie is the only one who has ever made him feel like he's worth something in his short life. She's all he needs to survive without even knowing it, and she deserves so much more than him.


**a\n: I hope you all enjoy. When I listened to this song again after years last night, I knew it was PERFECT for Keith and Natalie. I hope you all think so to, and enjoy. Please review, and I have a challenge for you. Whoever writes a story based around this song too, (either the whole thing, a verse, sentence of it, or just a general theme, then PM me the link, I'll read and review it, and then write a Keith one-shot for you of your choice enjoy!**

**God Bless,**

**Sarah. **

_Staring out_

_At the wind_

_With a heavy heart_

_It's the end, _

_Of the world_

_In my mind…_

Keith stared across the lake to The Brick. Sitting on the cliff, eyes fixed on The Brick normally, or...just the translucent blowing of the wind, his heart always became full. Keith had always been one to be, 'on the outside looking in,' and it was killing him inside. Truthfully, he tried not to let it. He was going to die; he'd be gone soon. Nothing would matter when he wasn't there anymore…it wouldn't matter that he had no friends; no comfort. But that very thought, though he had hoped it would help him put things into perspective, made things worse. It was worse knowing he was going to die not being remembered. No one would ever know him, love him, know his pain, his hurt. They'd light a candle at graduation for Keith Zetterstrom- he'd be talked about in homes; about how the 'poor kid had cancer.' Students would tell their parents he had passed away, and if they didn't know who he was, they would describe him as Russian Solider Number Three. They'd cry, because when someone died, that's what you did…but they wouldn't cry for him. It was the end of his world; the end of him. No one would remember him; and no one would care.

_Then your voice_

_Pulls me back_

_Like a wake-up call_

"Keith? Seriously, are you going to help me with this?"

Keith grinned and nodded. Natalie's voice always pulled him back when he spaced out. He didn't know why he felt so comfortable around her, (even though she had no idea since he continued his selfish, sarcastic façade with even her). He scratched his chin and smiled at her.

"Partner, you're doing this wrong." He stared at her as he spoke.

Thick smoke erupted from their test beaker rather than a thin sheen of an almost clear smoke that was supposed to be evident.

"Great! Well, not it's ruined, so way to warn me when you _saw _me making a mistake, Zetterstrom."

He sighed, but continued staring at her. When she seemed agitated with him, although he acted like it didn't bother him, he did indeed care…

It was a wake-up call for him; her voice. It was so beautiful, so soft. It reminded him that he didn't have to feel pity for himself…he was still alive, and he could feel the want to always make sure things were right between them…the want he had for her. He hated being vulnerable, but the vulnerability she caused in him, forced him to want to get to know her, to keep honing the feelings he held for her. The only problem was, he couldn't tell her.

_I've been looking for the answer,_

_Somewhere_

_I couldn't see that it was right there,_

_But now I know what I didn't know_

Keith had been wanting someone to take the pain away; even something. He threw everything he had into his truck, to keep his mind off things, but it didn't always work. There was only so much time he had entitled to pretend he wouldn't be dead before he received his high school diploma. But finally, he found someone he didn't feel pitiful around… and she had been there all along. She had always been the princess…they had always known each other, and he never thought to seek comfort in the girl who was a little bit of an over-achiever, but always kind when passing him in the halls. But now, he had thought to seek solace in her….or, just make her just as miserable. When Al had mentioned a 'concrete goal,' Natalie immediately popped into his head…and he didn't know why, but he went for it.

_Because you live,_

_And breath,_

_Because you make me believe in myself,_

_When nobody else can help._

Keith knew he didn't want to tell Natalie about his sickness…but without even knowing, whenever he had a bad day, she brightened his mood. She was better than the anti-depressants those doctors had pumped him with; better than his truck; better than the hope that he knew couldn't be real, of the chemo working. Natalie meant the world to him, and she didn't even know it. No one else had ever made him feel this way, no one had made him this happy the first time he found out he had cancer…he hadn't been able to be cheered up this much when it returned…and she didn't even know what was happening. People who knew everything couldn't calm him, but she could. She made him believe in himself; that he could still be a fighter and a lover, even if he couldn't survive this last battle.

_Because you live, girl_

_My world,_

_Has twice as many stars in the sky_

That night they laid in the back of his truck bed; they night they talked about everything and anyting, the stars looked more beautiful than he had ever seen. They were clear, and there were so many. He saw the twinkling of them reflect off her beautiful blue eyes. They seemed made of crystal; fragile and beautiful. He wanted to kiss her again-but he knew it would be out of line. He knew even laying there would be out of line; that if it was his girlfriend laying with a guy in the back of a truck bed, let alone them kissing once already, he'd have branded her as a cheater and never given over his heart again. In finding some freedom and escape for himself, he was ultimately going to cause pain for others. It was going to happen; and it was going to happen soon.

But his world, was just so much brighter with her in it.

_It's alright_

_I survived_

_I'm alive again_

_Cus' of you,_

_Made it through_

_Every storm_

He'd been lab partners with Natalie for almost a month now, and the time seemed like it was flying by. Half if his estimated time of survival was already gone- if the doctor had nailed it to a T, he had 30 days left. He marked it on his calendar. Morbid? Maybe. But to Keith, he needed to act like this was planned…he needed to have control, and be okay with it, to get through it. He still hadn't told Natalie, and he wasn't sure he was going to. He didn't want their relationship to be based off pity. He liked being treated rough sometimes; he liked not being talked to like he was fragile. He wanted to be treated normal, and she did that for him. She helped him through everything without even knowing it. He felt alive again, for a better lack of words. He felt like now, he could really keep pushing through this…

As long as he didn't get too attached to her.

_What is life,_

_What's the use_

_If you're killing time_

Keith knew he didn't have much longer to live, but he didn't want to waste his life. He could still do something meaningful…in a month, he could do a lot. He had already done a lot…he already managed…to fall in love with her.

He took in a sharp breath.

And he feared, for her own heart's sake, that she loved him too.

_I'm so glad I found an angel,_

_Someone,_

_Who was there when all my hopes fell,_

_I wanna fly looking in your eyes_

She was his angel. In their elementary school play, she was his princess. And now, she was his angel. He remembered the day she found out…well, the day she confronted, anyway. He was so nervous…he was sure she would hate him for not telling her. But she didn't hate him, she was just hurt…hurt like he was, in so many ways. He remembered lashing out at her, admitting to her that the car show he planned on going to, 'after high school' as though he would be alive, he wouldn't be able to go to. And yeah, it might have been a stupid dream-a meager dream…but it was his; it was small, and it seemed achievable enough. Once he threw himself into working on his truck because of his illness, he decided he'd set a goal to make it to truck show. And now, the disease that forced him to find an outlet for his frustration, was taking away his one dream involving just that. She was there for him though. On the way to the airport, for their little, 'goodbye scene,' she had buried her head in his shoulder, mumbling to him about how special he was, about how it would be okay…about how she would do anything she could to get him to that show and that it wasn't a stupid dream. He did know, though, despite what she said, that it was an un-achievable dream…and it just meant the world to him to have her comforting him over it.

_Because you live there's a reason why,_

_I carry on when I lose the fight,_

_I want to give what you've given me,_

_Always…_

He was losing the fight. He hadn't held much strength after their goodbye scene. Maybe, he was just finally at rest. They had pulled together, come into a relationship; partnership that could end any day, but that meant the world to both of them. He could give her forever…his forever. And, God, he loved her. He had to give her everything she had given him. He poured out all he could to her over those next couple weeks. He sent his dad out and told him what little gifts to buy her-what candy she liked, what stuffed animals he wanted her to have. And he brought them to the hospital whenever Keith asked for them. He'd muster the strength to sign the card, and then lay it waiting for her on his bedside table when she walked in his room to find him sleeping like always- the steady beeping of his heart monitor enough for her to sit and listen to.

One night, when she walked into his hospital room, though, he was awake, sitting straight up in bed, and staring at a piece of paper clutched in his hand.

"Partner," he began, his voice low and hoarse. "it's almost time for my next scene. I'm not sure what scene it is-but I need you to not be afraid. For me, okay?"

She sat on the chair next to his bed silently. She curled herself up into it like always, and remained quiet, listening intently for his next words. She wouldn't ask how he was feeling anymore…she wouldn't tell him how many days left until the car show. He was leaving her, and she couldn't avoid it anymore or else she'd live her life in that denial…in that regret.

"This," he handed the paper to her. "Is for you. I don't want you to read until…I'm not here anymore. It isn't a lot, so don't think I went all sappy on you, but it's enough to give you the comfort I'd want from you, if God forbid it was you laying here instead."

She took it willingly and nodded to let him know she'd request his wish of her not reading it until after…he was gone.

"Natalie," he leaned up more.

She stood quickly and helped him, sitting by his side instead of making him do all the work.

"Natalie, I never meant to make you miserable," he took her hand in his. They were cold, sweaty. "I fell in love with you, and it's not what I meant to do...but it happened. I never wanted you to feel like I hated you, or didn't trust you. I know, my outside is a little rough, but inside I'm so in love with you. Partner, I love you."

Tears streamed down her face now.

He had never said that before.

He had finally told her, that he loved her.

"I love you too," she replied. "You know that I love you to death."

"I know you do, partner. And I hope that me leaving you doesn't deserve…punishment. You know how I feel about all that stuff."

She laughed; it wasn't worth it not to. He was adorable, and he always made her laugh; she wouldn't strip him of that ability.

They sat together all night, and talked about everything, and anything. They talked about what they wish they could have done together, what Natalie hoped she could do in the future. But mostly, they talked about their love; how different it was- how unique, and how it would last forever. No matter what.

Natalie fell asleep that night next to him, and it was sometime in the middle of the night that he woke her with pain shooting in his side. She clenched his hand tight as they gave him the morphine that would calm him down, but render him incoherent most likely, until he finally gave up. He looked at her as he offered his arm to the nurse for the I.V.

"Natalie, we already did the goodbye scene, so I just want to tell you, I love you, and I want you to be happy in life. I gave you enough sarcasm to keep you laughing, instead of crying I think. That's what I was going for anyway-I just wanted to make memories with you. As stupid as even though the bowling balls on people's lawns were, you'll never forget that." He squeezed her hand. "I'll never forget that."

"I'll never forget you," she replied, squeezing his hand tighter.

He smiled as she hugged him close and took in his perfect smile one last time.

"I don't want you to, partner. I never want you to forget, it just want you to live."

Natalie opened the letter the second she felt his hand weaken against her own. She laid beside him those last couple moments, glancing up at the monitor to make sure there were no last vitals; no miracle for her, and him. She let the doctor's crowd around, checking his pulse as she already had, and then jotting down things on paperwork. He was just another patient to them; another deceased- but he was everything to her. She opened the folder paper-she found that it's heavy weight was from the car keys inside.

_Partner-_

_I never let you drive the truck, I know, and I so regret not seeing my number one pride and joy behind the wheel of my second, but the truck is yours now. It's yours to go on adventures with. We did everything in that truck, and I hope you have some good memories to think over as you drive in it. Remember, Natalie, even though I'm not with you anymore-the sky hasn't changed. It's still the limit._

_Always know that I'm with you, and remember that because you live, I do. You were all I had- and you made the last two months of my life worth living. If you weren't in the truck that night, I would've gone over._

_All of my love, forever, no matter what._

_-Keith. _


End file.
